“Purrfectly Me: The Spotty Story”1
I was born to reign. Or, at least, to reign over this house. My humans brought me home when I was just a ball of fluff, and I've been ruling ever since.
Early Years: Kitten Chaos
I spent my first year perfecting the art of mischief. Chewing shoes, pouncing on toes, and waking humans at ungodly hours were my specialties. They called me “adorable.” I called it “training.”
The Reign Begins
As I matured, my dominion expanded. I claimed every windowsill, couch cushion, and lap as my own. My humans learned to obey: feed me, pet me, worship me.
Notable Achievements
Successfully trained three humans to provide snacks on demand
Mastered the art of napping in 5-minute increments
Set record for most consecutive hours spent watching birds outside (6 hours, 12 minutes)
Developed patented “cute kitty” facial expression to manipulate humans
Challenges Overcome
The Great Vacuum Incident of 2018 (I survived)
The Move to the New House (I claimed new territory)
The Introduction of the Dreaded Bath (I endured)
Legacy
As I enter my golden years, I reflect on my accomplishments. I've brought joy, laughter, and occasional frustration to my humans. My whiskers may be graying, but my spirit remains unbridled.
Final Thoughts
To my humans: thank you for the worship. To fellow felines: never settle for less than the best scratching posts. And to the world: remember, cats are not pets – we're sovereigns.
Purr-ominantly Yours,
Spotty, Queen of the House.